In The Darkness Is The Light
by DaniNatureGirl391
Summary: Everybody has "the one that got away", including Kylo Ren.


_**AN: Inspired by the song "Never Had A Dream Come True". Originally a song-fic, but I was forced to change it. Consider it a prequel to my story "To Love Like A Skywalker".**_

Ever since Kylo heard the news about the girl who'd escaped with the droid and traitor, he'd been plagued with memories. Normally, he was able to shrug off the images, but not tonight. He could still see the glint that bounced off her fiery hair, whenever she stood in direct sunlight. He could still feel the soft breeze on his face, made as she walked past. He remembered the way his stomach would flip every time she smiled at him, the same as it was doing now. He remembered how her cheeks would be the first part of her body to get sunburned, which made her adorable freckles stand out more. If he missed anything at all from his time before joining the Knights of Ren, it was definitely her. Try as he might, even when willing women on First Order-loyal planets threw themselves at him, he just couldn't forget her. He wouldn't allow himself to be with anyone else, though he knew he should. There was no point in pining for her now, not while he training was still incomplet _e._

When he was still working with his uncle, the earliest rumblings of the First Order were just beginning. The Hapes cluster was one of the few neutral systems out there. He and his parents often visited their capitol city. That was where he first met her. He remembered that day all too vividly. He was twelve, and she was ten. He made as respectful a bow as he could when they reached the throne room, watching from the corner of his eye as their mothers hugged and exchanged kisses on the cheek. Apparently, the two had been friends as children. The queen then turned towards her throne, gesturing for the small girl to come say hello. He'd never forget the wonder in those big brown eyes, nor the shy nervousness when he kissed her hand in greeting.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness."

"My _name_ is Adrastea."

"Oh? Well, _my_ name is _Ben_."

Her giggling echoed in his mind like a whistle in a cave. He groaned, cringing as he threw himself to be face-down in his pillow.

His voice came out in a squeaky, barely-audible whisper: "That's not my name anymore!"

He remembered finding her by a lake near the palace, working on an art project for one of her tutors. She was fourteen by this time, and he was sixteen. She kept tapping the end of her pen against her bottom lip, clearly deep in thought. He hid behind a tree and observed her, fascinated by the look of determination on her face. But then, the sound of his heel, crushing a twig, disturbed her. She smiled at seeing a friendly face.

"Hey, Addie."

A giggle over the nickname was followed by, "Hi, Ben."

His heart pinched again, and his top teeth were clamping down hard enough on his bottom lip to nearly drawing blood. She'd showed him some of the flowers she'd attempted to sketch, but she said she was short on real inspiration. So, to help her along, he shared a story with her that his parents had told him about Hoth. She was fascinated by the idea of the taun-tauns. He described them vividly to her, helping her draw one down to the finest of details. But when she turned the pad around, his breath hitched. Why? She'd drawn more than just an animal. She'd also drawn him, riding the taun-taun's back like some kind of ancient conquering hero. His hair was blowing in the imaginary wind, and his lightsaber was raised high above his head. He saw her blush for the first time ever that day, and it made him blush as well. In fact, that was the precise moment when their feelings for each other began to change. Now, he was so far from the image on the paper, it wasn't funny. She'd be terribly disappointed.

There was a ball to celebrate Adrastea's eighteenth lifeday, and the Skywalker-Solo family had been invited to attend. He remembered his father, giving him a thumbs-up when he approached the special girl to dance. Kylo groaned as he forced that image from his mind. From the dessert table, both of their mothers gave him soft, encouraging smiles. They thought he was just shy about dancing in public, but it was far from that. When he reached her, the slight tug on the back of her dress made her tense. The corner of his mouth twitched up when he sensed the shudder she made, and he saw the goosebumps rise on the backs of her arms. She didn't even need to ask who was behind her. Her tender smile met his eyes when she turned around.

"Hello, Ben."

"I wish you a happy Lifeday, Princess. May I have this dance?"

"I would love to."

She placed her left hand in his right one, and he led her to the center of the floor. He was meant to keep one hand on her hip, lifting her when the music told him to. There were about a hundred other couples doing the same thing, so it was relatively easy for them to sneak away. They pretended to still be dancing, laughing and talking about none but the most boring of subjects. Luckily, no one, not even her bodyguards, thought anything was amiss as he led her out onto the balcony. Looking over his shoulder, he made absolutely sure they weren't being watched, or that their sudden absence from the floor wasn't noted. A flirty feminine giggle pulled him back, as did the sudden yank on the right sleeve of his jacket. He was chuckling, too, a warm sound from deep in his throat. He spun her in his arms, until they were both pressed sideways against the wall behind a pillar.

She said in a whispery tone, "Say it again."

He replied in an equally soft voice, "Say what?"

"You know what. I want to hear you say it again."

"Well, fine", and he nuzzled the tip of her nose with his, "—Happy Lifeday, Addie."

With that, he pressed their lips together. One of her hands rested on his shoulder, while the fingers of the other tangled in his hair. His hands did the same for her. He remembered how her flame-colored locks had glowed as they curled around his fingers, like small rings of lava. They sighed into each kiss, contact after contact turning them more and more into human mush. He loved her so much, and he didn't hesitate to say it.

When they parted for air, she said, "Do you…Do you think it'll always be like this?"

"Not at all."

He chuckled at seeing the confused look on her face.

He kissed her again once before continuing, "I think it'll be better…much, much better."

His body tightened, prickly warmth flooding through him as another certain memory flashed before his eyes. They'd waited until she turned twenty to consummate their relationship. When he asked why, she told him she felt that having the suffix "teen" on her age made her feel too much like a child. He understood, having felt the same many times over the years. He remembered holding her in the afterglow of one particular tryst, his arms a cozy cocoon as her head rested over his heart. Her left thumb rubbed affectionately against his ribs, and his did the same over the bumps of her spine. She was on the way to falling asleep, but he wasn't. He stared up at her bedroom ceiling, his right arm folded beneath the back of his head. He was so torn up that night, happy to be with his girl, but crumbling inside. He knew it'd be the last time for a long while they'd be like this. She seemed to pick up on his anxious mood.

Lifting herself up on her left forearm, she asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking is all."

"Never a good sign."

He briefly flashed a smile, stretching his neck and giving her a quick kiss. She put her head back down, this time snuggling underneath his chin.

She then kissed his chest and said, "I love you."

"I know."

She giggled at this, giving him a light, playful smack. As the flashback faded, he drew in a deep, sniffling breath. He wondered if Adrastea still had the present he'd left her, the one object he'd needed to leave behind to start his training as a Knight of Ren. In fact, that intimate encounter was the last time he'd see her as Ben Solo.

He remembered the note he'd left attached to his old weapon, which had read, "I'm building a new one. I love you."

He was indeed building a new one, both a lightsaber and a world. With his extensive training and newfound powers, he'd finally be able to get the prestige he deserved. He'd prove himself worthy of his maternal grandfather's legacy. After he disappeared, his uncle put word out that he'd been killed in battle. Luke must've figured it was easier to lie to all their friends, rather than tell them Kylo had finally embraced all he was meant to be. He wondered if Adrastea recognized him the first time he visited the palace under his new persona. A machine altered his voice, and a mask hid his face. But even with those two factors, and the time that'd passed since the last time they'd seen each other, he still felt like her eyes were piercing straight through him. A single tear trickled from his eye, and he quickly wiped it away with a soft, angry growl. This wouldn't do at all! He couldn't let Snoke see him in such a state at their next meeting, or anyone else for that matter! He looked over at a corner of his room, where Darth Vader's partially-melted helmet rested on a small, raised platform. He drew strength from this. Seeing it helped push away memories of the life that'd held him back, as precious those moments with his lover had been. Ben Solo was long gone. Why was he suddenly having so much trouble remembering that? It didn't matter. He had bigger things to worry about now.

 _ **AN: Any alterations this story has made to the already-existing "S.W." universe will eventually be smoothed over. I wanted to get that statement out of the way, in the hopes that said alterations won't upset anyone who reads this. Hope you all had an incredible New Years' Eve, & I hope the rest of the year is just as awesome.**_


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